The following rider diary has been provided by ‘PT’ Brock. Part time employment, full time cycling aspirant.
The end of the year is a great time for reflection. We all have thoughts and queiries, both personal and universal, bound to the simple question. How much?
I recall reading an article a close friend had written about a conversation had one very, wet, very windy, very unfit and un-(better known as ‘sub’)-optimal November day over a year ago. As I remember, accepting entirely that memories are not nearly as accurate as we allow credit for, we were both somewhat underdone – yet motivated to better ourselves and individual situations. One of us on the road, on of us off it.
Mike has had a mixed but triumphant year. Results have come, though not of the level I believe him capable. He ran a very successful first campaign for the start up of MarathonMTB.com and the MarathonMTB.com Team. The Team dominated the Croc Trophy and Mike also managed to get some Euro mile/racing in through the middle of the year. He also works full time. I’m sure if I asked him, he’d not be nearly as positive. So, I won’t.
Putting on a far more philosophical tint of rose glasses, I have spent the same year discovering “how much?” How much do I really want what I say I want? Moreover, how much am I prepared to invest? Beyond that, and perhaps the most difficult to answer and act upon, how much am I ultimately willing to sacrifice to reach my goals?
Like anything, it’s all about balance. Right now [as I’m typing this] I’m using my ironing board as a table, I’m sitting on a swiss ball and I’m living above a bike shop. This is shared accommodation with more bike boxes and wire bead tyres than I care to count. At least I know who is responsible for skid marks. This isn’t Belge, it is an inner Sydney suburb – I’ll tick the sacrifice box.
I have invested too, though perhaps not wisely enough. I never thought having a spare race bike would be necessary, nor did I consider the importance of spending as much time strengthening my mental frame of mind as I have conditioning my legs. Ironic then, when I should be on form and at my strongest, these two overlooked factors have been revealed and subsequently reduced me to my weakest.
Sacrifice requires a reduction in travel comfort.
A crack in a carbon frame has been exposing enough to reveal a very personal crack – a lack of confidence and self belief at a depth not known before. 21 days away from the biggest race of the year and I am being forced to re-evaluate and redefine goals, internal motivation sources and re-affirm a deeply shaken inner belief. Additionally, I am without my own bike and now not only must I endure a tussle between a manufacturer and an insurance company, but I must endure it through the period of the year where ‘out of office’ emails are the norm and automated telephone messages remind me that the person who is capable of assisting me is probably at a BBQ, swimming at the beach or, though understandably so yet no less frustrating, enjoying their summer holiday.
Forced reflection is a powerful thing. It is confronting, It can be painful, it can certainly challenge you to your core. How much do I want what I say I want? Evidently, not enough. Time to address that.