When I planned my racing Calendar at the end of December I knew it was going to be tough, I planned to be racing every second to third weekend with a lot of travel. Victoria, Philippines, Cairns… As a vet I work every second weekend which meant I was either working the weekend or I was racing, with basically no down time at all. And these were not short races… 4-6hrs minimum… which meant the body (and mind) got a serious hammering in each race..
I am someone who puts pressure on myself by wanting results so I trained through races I could train through to be able to keep on improving. And I believed I was doing well, I was recovering much better than I ever had and my results were solid. Xterra Philippines was my highlight and turning point in my future plans as an athlete and I was excited how everything was going.
However… When you try juggle a full time job, racing, training and travelling plus managing a relationship at the same time, the mind needs as much recovery from all the stress as the body does and this often gets forgotten. Whilst I was working I would worry about all the training I still had to fit in after I finished a 10-12hr working day and hope I would still have the energy to hit the targets on my training program. Being an equine vet is physically tough and mentally demanding so during training sessions I would worry about all the things I had to do the following day which sometimes took focus away from training sessions. Veterinarians who read this can sympathise that the phone can never be turned off and emails need to be checked no matter what time or what day it is, it is a stressful profession.There is an awful lot of giving. Rest days on the training program ended up catch up days for work and life in general.. And as much as I loved being an equine vet, I was starting to resent how much energy it was taking from me. But this was my choice to wanting to do it all and although in the back of my mind I knew I could not keep this up, I refused to give in and kept on battling on. Especially after I had decided to put my veterinary career on the back burner to give my athletic career a chance I knew it was only a matter of time and there was light at the end of the tunnel. So I tried push even harder
Leading into the week of the nationals, I knew it was going to be hard, I felt exhausted. I was worried about the race and not being at my best. I had never been to North Queensland however so I was excited about seeing a new part of Australia and riding new terrain. I was also looking forward on spending a weekend with team mates Naomi, Graeme, Roeland and Mike. The awesomeness of Kona Odyssey weekend was still on the back of my mind, and I felt lucky to be part of a great team.
Mike had organised accommodation on the beautiful lake Tinarroo. He could not have done a better job. It was an awesome spot and everyone was in great spirits. I felt more energized being in such amazing surroundings with great people.
When we went to check out the course I knew after 5 minutes on the bike I was done, my body just didn’t cooperate. The trails were some of the coolest single track I have ever ridden yet I felt heavy and sore which put me in a negative mind frame I struggled to get myself out of. I could not erase my worries and I realised life had caught up with me… my mind had cracked… and I got embarrassedly emotional … For a moment I forgot why I was doing this
Racing is such a mental game, you convince yourself you can do it, that the hurt is not that bad and only temporarily even when your whole body is screaming pain. So when the mind gives up, so does the body, everything goes into shutdown, or at least thats how it felt for me.
I was hopeful that an afternoon of rest and relaxation surrounded by great friends would be enough to trick my mind all was good again… But it didn’t quite happen that way…
Race day came and I desperately wanted to finish, that was my goal. After talking to more experienced riders the plan was to ride easy on the first lap and pick it up from there. I was surprised how well I felt whilst I was riding with a couple of very friendly girls and I was really enjoying the course. All good so far…
An hour into the second lap and things went downhill fast and I dont mean me and the bike… the body started hurting, the sun was burning, I started feeling sick… and my vision blurred, where normally my mind can push myself through these episodes during races, I had nothing to give… a mental blank… I couldn’t focus on what I was doing, I could not compartmentalise and I couldn’t convince myself to keep racing… my brain was cooked… and for the first time in my competitive racing career I found myself giving up… and I wasn’t proud of it.
Dissappointed I rolled back into transition where I heard MTB legend Peta Mullens pulled out also, and I witnessed the field getting smaller and smaller… It showed this was a pretty tough course, mentally and physically you had to be at your best in order to complete it. I take my hat off for everyone finishing, especially team mates Graeme Arnott who came in 8th, Naomi Hansen 6th And Mike Blewitt 13th, awesome performances all around.
Having spent the rest of the afternoon in the transition area was actually quite refreshing and may be a blessing in disguise, there are so many cool inspiring people in this sport and just watching the top girls battling it out was very impressive to see. It really showed how tough you have to be mentally to be in this game, and how much is relied upon support. Some great team work, camaradery, sportsmanship, especially across the different teams was happening. Before I knew it I was oiling bike chains and feeding competitors coming through the transition zone… Being part of this made me realise why I love racing so much, what awesome athletes are involved and how bad I want to be part of it. As cheesy as it sounds, the experience ended up being chicken soup for the soul even if the race itself didn’t pan out the way I wanted.
Naomi Hansen and Imogen Smith – post race.
Of course now I am well rested I regret not having finished the race, and the experience of this DNF will push me over the finish line in future races. But I did also learn on the weekend that what happened to me, happens to the best, I learned that we are not robots and unfortunately sometimes life gets in the way of racing and the “reset” button has to be pushed, this doesn’t mean you are weak.
I have said in previous blogs how lucky I am with the people I have met through life, especially here in Sydney and I keep on being amazed by the support I am getting from fellow athletes and friends. Big thanks to my team mates for making this another awesome weekend, so many inspiring people make this experience so great and I look forward to my next race, the Convict 100
Upward and Onwards, exciting times ahead.